Back to Reality

So we got back to Sacramento last night, and this morning I had to wake up at 7 for a full day of work. Then I ran home, scarfed down dinner, and rushed off to worship practice. I didn't get home till after 9. I'm so pooped I can barely keep my eyes open.

I have so many pictures to work on so I can send out cd's to all the family soon. I'll be posting pictures on here when I have the time. I'm thinkin a slideshow will save more room..

And I'll be posting a few videos too, one of which is me water skiing for the first time :) only took me 20 tries -_- but I didn't give up!!

Also, I saw one of my ex's just recently got married. I let go of him a long time ago. He was probably the only one where I feel completely at peace with.. maybe because he was the only one that was a strong Christian and we were able to find closure without stabbing each other with words.. He was, though, the only one that I thought might be the one. All of the others I knew deep in my heart weren't the one and I was just ignoring the Holy Spirit. With him, though, I actually thought I would be married to one day. But God knew he had other plans and gently revealed to us we had to let go. Even though he's 4 years older than me and I'm still young, it makes me wonder if I'll get married in my late 20's... or even my 30's.. I guess it won't matter when it's right. I'll just keep focussing on Him

On a different note, here is a bumper sticker I made and ordered today :)

Big Sky Country

So I've been in Montana since Monday and it's been amazing... I don't know what it is, but the sky really is bigger here. Green is greener, blue is bluer... just gorgeous. I went out by myself today down to the river. It was a bit of a hike through the woods but I didn't run into any moose so that was good lol.. I felt like a little girl just tromping through the grass, balancing on fallen trees, picking daisies, and sitting by the river closing my eyes in the breeze. I felt Him so near and decided to linger a while there... I think I'll go back tomorrow. Having a lot of time to think also brings up a lot of things... It's like sometimes the pain of my past all culminates into one rock in my chest that burns with no relief, memories playing at random bursts just to torture me. I hate it and sometimes think I can't bare it, but at least I'm facing it. And I'm not carrying it alone.

I also went to a massage therapist. This guy is incredible. Because of my fall (concussion), I had two vertebrae out of place, my hips were off, my rib cage was too high and fanned out, and my stomach was too high (all from the shock to my body). So he adjusted and moved everything without any pain. I also had 3 muscles in spasm in my neck and he released those as well. It was a full body massage with oils and hot rocks. I was in HEAVEN... I'm so exhausted though. I get to go back on Monday for a follow up before we have to go back.

My little 2nd cousins have been following me around every second but I love it lol... I always wished I could have been an older sister and I love being around children, even if my patience runs thin now and again ;)

Anyway, I'll be posting a LOT of pictures in the next week or so. I'm pretty much the designated photographer for the trip and I'm mailing a cd of pictures to everyone after the reunion. So I've been taking a ton :)

here are some of my fav pics from the walk I took today. I was alone so I had to be kind of creative lol

"A new day is coming, and I am finally free"

Old break-up song that seems to be appropriate for more than one person..

Attack - 30 Seconds to Mars

I won't suffer, be broken, get tired, or wasted
Surrender to nothing, or give up what I
Started and stopped it, from end to beginning
A new day is coming, and I am finally free

Run away, run away, I'll attack
Run away, run away, go chase yourself
Run away, run away, now I'll attack
I'll attack, I'll attack

I would have kept you, forever, but we had to sever
It ended for both of us, faster than a
Kill off this thinking, it's starting to sink in
I'm losing control now, and without you I can finally see

Run away, run away, I'll attack
Run away, run away, go chase yourself
Run away, run away, now I'll attack
I'll attack, I'll attack

Your promises, they look like lies
Your honesty, like a back that hides a knife
I promise you
I promise you
And I am finally free

Run away, run away, I'll attack
Run away, run away, go chase yourself
Run away, run away, now I'll attack
I'll attack, I'll attack, I will attack

Run away, I'll attack, I will attack
Run away, I'll attack, I will attack

Run away (Run away), I'll attack (I'll attack)
I'll attack

Your promises
(promises, promises)
I promise you
(promise you)
I promise you...
(promise you, promise you)

What's interesting is the first person this pertained to actually chose this song. I peeked at his ipod one day and he was listening to a playlist titled maria. They were all the songs that reminded him of me. So ofcourse I asked him to make me a cd of them. I noticed there were a few songs that were about after a relationship, very passionate and heart wrenching. I asked him why those reminded him of me, and I'll never forget. He told me that when he starts a relationship, he sees it in its entirety. And that those songs would describe how he'd feel if/when we broke up. Dismal answer but he was right.. those songs were perfect...

If the radio had a face, I would punch it.

Songs ruined in '06
* = major suckiness

*Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
*Through Glass - Stone Sour
Tim McGraw - Taylor Swift
*Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Lips of an Angel - Hinder
*Nickelback - Far Away
*Beg - Evens Blue
The Kill - 30 Seconds to Mars
*Attack - 30 Seconds to Mars
Hate Me - Blue October
*Mistakes we Knew - Mae
Goo Goo Dolls - Stay with You

and in '07?
*Thunder - Boys Like Girls
Shattered - Trading Yesterday

Dusk and Summer - Dashboard Confessional

and oh so many more..

Just a thought...
Does someone say I love you to someone and meet with their father for permission to date them if it's just a fling? If someone was so secure in their relationship, I don't see how they see the need to negate all previous people their significant other loved before them. Just accept it and move on.

still consussed

The doctor finally found where I hit my head and there's a bone bruise right over the spot that controls my speech. No wonder I've been speaking like an idiot lately!!! He explained so much as to why I'm experiencing everything I am and how to better manage.. I'll have this stupid headache and cognitive issues for a while still but they should be getting better a little more each day. I really hope I won't be too out of it for the family reunion in Montana.. I love playing with my little 2nd cousins, they're adorable and I don't want to be too out of it :(

What's cool is there's research that supports the theory that if you heal completely after a concussion, you actually are quicker and sharper. During recovery you rebuild broken connections and they end up being stronger and making better pathways than before. Hope that's the case for me!!

Who Are We Fooling - Flags - Brooke Fraser.wmv

So we're back here again, tiptoeing 'round the edge of the end..

Trading Yesterday - Shattered

"Cause I've lost who I am and I can't understand why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love, without love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on, but I know all I know is that the end's beginning who I am from the start take me home to my heart, let me go and I will run. I will not be silenced. All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain. All is lost but hope remains, and this war's not over. There's a light, there's a Son taking all these shattered ones to a place we belong and His love will conquer all."

Jars of Clay - Love Song For a Savior

This remix is growing on me :)

Hemawhata?

So I had a bit of a health scare on friday. I went in for a check up per the hospital's orders after my concussion. Well I was told I had the symptoms of Sudural Hematoma, a form of bleeding in the brain from trauma. She ordered an urgent ct scan for that night at 6pm. I was in tears I was so scared I thought it was only a routine check up.. but the radiologist called me around 8 that night to say that it looked pretty good and there wasn't any bleeding. So I'll have these symptoms for another 2 weeks MAX... The doctor prescribed two pretty strong prescriptions that have me really loopy. But at least it is helping with the pain. I can't wait till I feel normal again. I really hope this passes before we leave for our Montana family reunion this upcoming Saturday..

my life is starting to feel like a sitcom

Today at work I heard a commotion so I went out into the hallway and people were packing up their things and hastily locking their doors. When I asked what was going on they said the police called and ordered us to evacuate the whole office and drive down south watt. Apparently it wasn't just our office but all the businesses in a certain mile radius. All we were told was that toxic chemicals were released into the air and we weren't safe and what direction to drive away from where the leak happened.

Well since it was a half hour till my shift was over I was told I could go home or to my next job. I had already decided to go home because I'm still feeling like crap from my concussion and need to sleep this off. Well home was straight towards wherever this thing was coming from.

I came up to a road block and there was the trailer that had spilled the toxins into the air. I eventually got around it and I felt like I was in a movie!!! Or like some biological warfare scheme lol At least there's never a dull moment and these incidents are keepin me on my toes

This is the only time I have an excuse to be stupid

because I have a concussion :(

Me and friends went rafting this weekend and decided to get in line for the rope swing. There was a douche bag in front of us who offered to grab the rope for us (since it was the highest one). Just as I grabbed for the rope he tried to undo my top so I panicked and jumped without gripping the knot on the rope. I immediately slipped off and hit the ground, hitting my head, and slid into the water. I told my body to stand up but couldn't and was laying in the water. Thankfully a guy from our group got me out and helped me stand. I couldn't even make out his face or walk straight. I felt nauseous and disoriented but I refused to go to the hospital cause I didn't want to be a kill joy. Well as the night progressed I got worse. I was forgetting chunks of time, had a growing head ache, and slurring my words. The next morning I knew something was very wrong because my breathing was shallow. So I told my dad and he brought me to the er. They told me I should have come in right away because I had a concussion. And these symptoms can last up to a few weeks :/ I had my first day of work after the accident today, and I was in a fog all day. I was crying on and off for no reason (depression is a side effect). I was half way through a conversation and the person graciously told me we had the exact conversation the day before, which I have no recollection of. I'm irritable and tired no matter how much sleep I get. Speaking of sleep, the first night after a concussion, you're supposed to have someone wake you up every hour or you'll prob go into a coma. Well that night was a sleep over and I don't sleep through the night with other people. I was woken up constantly through the night so I didn't even get a chance to fall asleep more than an hour at a time, which was really good. That's pretty much the nut shell but bottom line I'll be ok and I think my guardian angels are workin overtime ;) I'm just grateful I wasn't paralyzed or worse..
Here are some pics before I fell:

Fun Morning

So I wasn't feeling well this morning and threw up 8 times :/

I looked in the mirror and scared myself because the whites of my eyes were blood red and within seconds my whole face and neck (starting from my eyes down) was covered in little red dots. I looked it up and my capillaries burst :( So I'll look like I have red freckles for a few days *sigh*