New Season

I will be addressing a topic many people are skeptical of. This is prophecy or prophetic words for the edification of the church.

Recently, I have been hanging on by a literal thread, going day to day starving for a supernatural intervention. I kept hearing from everyone around me that "everything will be ok, God loves you, a new season is coming" etc. and I accepted that and took it to heart. I know that he speaks to us through other people, but sometimes your soul needs something that is unmistakenly from Him. I needed someone to speak over my life that didn't know me or my present sufferings. That way, I would know they were speaking by the power of the Holy Spirit. Last night I was in my room crying out to God. I was starting to not like myself so much, not just physically, but how I always seemed to cut my time short with God. If I can get so hurt when Marty has to cut his time short with me, what am I doing to God when time and time again I tell him I'll meet with him and I "ditch" him or cut it short? I started to kick myself. Also, I've been in a "dark night" for years. It's been a horrendous sequence of trials and pain. I only have survived through His grace. I've been continuing to minister to others, going to school, and working, just trusting God and believing in His promises. It's so hard to trust when you don't see anything happening, when you feel like the end of the tunnel is so far down the road, when you don't even have enough strength to get through the day, let alone another year of weeping to Him and crying out for breakthrough. Well... last night was the night he intervened. He showed me that he saw my countless nights of tears. He saw all the pain I've been going through with many physical problems and how I suffer silently and have been trusting him for his healing. He saw the stress and anxiety and weight I've been under that has absolutely gripped me. He saw. He sees me.

I have a friend from high school that I never really spoke to. He has no clue what I'm going through. We are friends on facebook and not even 20 minutes after I was crying out to God, I received a message on facebook. It read:

I feel the lord speaking over you: " My precious daughter you have been in a season of longing and panting for my presence in a new "glory" in a new light. My daughter assuredly I have heard your cry come before my throne and I have bottled up all of your tears. I have heard your prayers of "when Lord, when?" But I would say unto you get ready my daughter for there is getting ready to come a paradigm shift upon your life. There is going to be birthed inside of you a new hope for yourself and out of that hope will be birthed a dream! And you will know your purpose in this life, you will know what I am calling you to do, where I am calling you to go. You have said " Lord i just want to be used, and I say unto you my daughter surely I am using you now and will continue to do so, you are coming into a season where you will walk in a new realm of glory, a new power and a new anointing. Do you not know my daughter, that the very anointing that my son Jesus possessed is in your possesion?? Have confidence in who you are and whose you are! For surely I would say to you i do not see you the way you see yourself! When I see you I see my son in you! I am drawn to you by his light that you allow to shine forth in your surrounding atmospheres.




You know above I believe that this is what the lord is speaking over your life in this season. I was just told to write and he would speak lol. I pray that you are encouraged and empowered by the voice of your maker, cause truly he does not see you how you see yourself! He made you in the beginning and called you a VERY GOOD THING. He was very pleased with what he made. I just really feel a shift is getting ready to take place in your life. I can feel also a new love between you and marty coming, God has truly given you and Marty such a pure love of the fathers heart for each other. I just want to encourage you sis to feed your inner man the food that it needs to thrive, fill yourself with his Holy Word, if you have to get on your face and let the father love on you, do it! If all you can do is go before god and cry out "Abba Father" Do it!! He is going to heal you thoroughly in this season I believe, there has been alot of anxiety I feel and stress and worry but take part no longer in any of these things for surely you have been adopted into another family and you now have a Heavenly father that guides, governs and provides for you! Just ask and it will be given. live above your current circumstance and may your eyes be enlightened to the beauty he sees you with.

In His Service

(name)

I was weeping uncontrollably. I felt tears come from the depths that I had never allowed myself to cry before. I felt a wave of His spirit over me and an incredible peace and love. He prompted someone I barely knew to speak to me cause he saw how desperate I was. Oh prayers do not go up to God in vain! He listens, and even though his answers come awfully late, the wait is so precious! The wait makes the answer and the point of rescue all the more magnificent. Because of someone's obedience to the Holy Spirit, I had a pivotal point in my spiritual walk last night. Every single word was healing to my spirit. I haven't truly smiled like that in.... I can't remember when.. All in one night my hunger for his presence and his word was so much increased. My self image was transformed. And last night was the first night I slept without fear, without anxiety, and without depression. I went right to sleep in the arms of my Father. He broke through my night and I can see my sunrise coming.

I posted this not to share what God did for me, but what he says and sings over all of us. I know as a fact there are many people (not just women), who need to hear this. These words are for everyone. Take heart. If you haven't had that answer, that breakthrough, that healing yet. it's coming! A new season is coming and he has not forgotten you! He counts every tear and loves you so passionately.

I pray this will touch at least one person who reads it.

Our God is so great!

Maria

I Had To...

I had to become physically lame before my spirit could learn to truly run to You.

I had to bleed and feel the pains of my past before I could truly heal.

I had to stop playing and singing to let my true heart's song come forth.

I had to be silent so that I could be heard.

I had to cry through the night so I could find joy in the morning.

I had to die to myself so that I could truly live (still in process).

I had to be in a temporary prison/cocoon so I could be truly free/transformed (still in process)

I had to doubt and falter so that I could truly find faith in You.

I had to lose myself so that I could truly know who I am.

My heart had to be broken so I could be made whole.

I had to let go so that You could return it to me.

I had to dwell in darkness so that I would know your light.

I had to be still so that you could move.

I had to suffer so that I could share in your likeness.

With hold no painful road from me Lord. The trial and the wait are like treasures. It's not about the why's the how's the when's. it's about our response to the storm.

It's been one of those weeks...

So I started off this week fasting facebook. I'm only on day two and I've realized how sick I was for being so dependent on mindless facebook. Don't get me wrong, there are great things about connecting with old friends, etc., but I seriously was addicted. It consumed all my free time... ALL of it lol. So this is a good thing. I have more time for devotions, more time to watch my shows, more time to sleep, more time to play on the piano, just... more time!

So sunday I led worship at a church in san francisco and eveything seemed to be going wrong! We only got to practice for 15 minutes but somehow God pulled it all together when the worship actually began. My voice opened up, the sound levels were good, and people were actually worshiping. God is so good! I'm leading again next Sunday and I'm very excited :)

But right after the service my knees were locking up and I could barely walk. Coincidence? nope... But it doesn't matter, I woke up this morning and they were fine again. Also after the service ended my right kidney was in extreme pain all day without letting up. It got so bad all I could do was lay in my room with a heating pad on my back and cry out to God for hours to make it stop. I told him, "God you've called me to go to school and to do my work. You're going to have to take this away because I can't do my work." And guess what? right at 11, it stopped all of a sudden. I dried my eyes...paused... and couldn't believe it was gone :). I was able to turn over and let my stingy eyes rest.

When we are in the ministry field all sorts of attacks will come against us. The key is to not accept physical problems but to renounce them, realize they are an attack, and rebuke them from your body. This is a war. We need to realize who we are in Christ and the keys he's given us. Anything we bind on earth will be bound in heaven as well. We can pray for things to be done on earth as they are in heaven. And guess what? there's no sickness or disease in heaven!!!

But I won't get into healing right now cause that would take me writing a book, which I just might do one day after I walk out my own testimony :)

All I know is I'm not surprised when the enemy throws attacks at me. It's actually flattering :) that he considers me a threat worth using resources and time on.

God give me the discernment to know what is of You. Give me the strength to make it through this week. Comfort me when I'm down. Lift up my head when I can't.

Love

Hold my hand in the dark

January 23rd from Streams in the Desert

"Why standest thou afar off, O Lord?" Psalm 10:1

God is "a very present help in trouble." But He permits trouble to pursue us, as though He were indifferent to its overwhelming pressure, that we may be brought to the end of ourselves, and led to discover the treasure of darkness, the unmeasurable gains of tribulation. We may be sure that He who permits the suffering is with us in it. It may be that we shall see Him only when the trial is passing; but we must dare to beleive that He never leaves the crucible. Our eyes are holden; and we cannot behold Him whom our soul loveth. It is dark - the bandages blind us so that we cannot see the form of our High Priest; but He is there, deeply touched. Let us not rely on feeling but on faith in His unswerving fidelity; and though we see Him not, let us talk to Him. Directly we begin to speak to Jesus, as being literally present, though His presence is veiled, there comes an answering voice which shows that He is in the shadow, keeping watch upon His own. Your Father is as near when you journey through the dark tunnel as when under the open heaven!

Amen... God I can't see you. My wounds are too deep. There's no light around me. I'm groping for you and can't find you, yet my spirit leaps at Your presence. You're here. Take my hand in the dark. Walk with me through fire. Heal me. Lead me. I'm yours.

hope

I can't believe this is my last semester of school... ever. It's almost unreal. I'm so used to being in school... I've been in school all my life! And now I actually get to start my own... no set markers in front of me. I feel prepared and am excited to see what doors God opens, but at the same time I'm kinda terrified with questions like, "What if I don't get a ministry position right after I graduate?" "How am I going to afford a place?", etc. but I don't have to worry about that. I'd rather live in the here and now so I don't miss out on the joys of the present by worrying about things out of my control.

God please help me through these hard days. Please give me the strength I need. Give me dreams and visions. Be near to me and speak to me. Hear my heart's cry and see my tears. I love you Daddy.

Ria

home

So I'm finally home in Sacramento. The last few years the word 'home' has been less and less defined. I grew up in Sacramento, yet I was born in San Francisco, and my residence is in Santa Cruz because I'm going to school there. So where is my home?

I've heard 'home is where the heart is', but what if my heart is in more than one place? the first two years of college when I was at home, I found myself looking forward to going back to Bethany. Then when I was at Bethany, I found myself impatient to drive back home. then I realized I just wanted to be driving. I was losing what my true home was and I felt at peace on the open road. I lived for the drive... I was "grown up" and finding my home apart from my parents, which is hard at times.

But my car died a year ago. So no more open road :( Ever since I've started serving at message of peace in south San Francisco I'm falling back in love with the city and realizing my roots and how perfectly I fit there. I could really see myself living there. I feel at home lost in the crowd, looking up at huge buildings. The sound of trolly's, the smell of the bay, the feel of fog in the morning. It's a beautiful city. As a little girl I remember being surrounded by old Italian men in their hats and brown suits smoking cigarettes and eating dry salami. To this day, 2nd hand cigarette smoke comforts me and reminds me of my Grandpa.

And I'm graduating from Bethany in just one more semester. My plan is to find someone who needs a roommate and stay in the Santa Cruz/ Scotts Valley area. If God opens the door for me to be in ministry in a different city, I will go there of course, but until He reveals that I need to make preparations. I love the culture, the people, the quirkiness :)

I missed practically the whole holidays with my family last year... so being home this year is very healing. This is the home that will always be here for me. No matter what I do or who I become, I will always have a place here.

But soon I have to go make my own home... and to be honest it's starting to excite and scare me all at once. I'm starting to allow myself to dream more, to imagine the new life in front of me.

content discontent

I'm learning to be content in any situation, even while waiting for God's promises to come to fruition. It's the ever so popular term for theologians, "the content discontentment."

There are many things external that I would like to change, that I am praying for and believing for, but only in His timing. If he did them now like my own personal Jeannie, what a loss that would be! To lose the great work he is doing in me through waiting.

My knees are so bad I haven't been able to run let alone jog in over 2 years. I went through all the stages of grief, all the questions of why and how could this be? and even recently the "when will this pass?"

But he's teaching me something so profoundly beautiful. I can run to him in my spirit even while not being able to run in the physical. My body may be "crippled" but does that mean my spirit has to be as well? No! Yet the enemy is constantly trying to make me believe that...

Same with my music. I used to write so many songs. It came so easy to me. I could write song after song as He would inspire me. But in the last couple of years, I feel as if I've lost my voice. That I've lost my music. I know it is within me, but I have a feeling it's being transformed. My song to God is always in my spirit even though I cannot bring myself to literally sing or write a song. Yes I lead worship, and God gives me the grace and ability to do so for those times. But I'm talking about my personal, inner man, song. The song of my soul that is only between me and Him. It's in there, but I haven't heard it in such a long time...

But he has promised me that I will have my voice again and he will give me music, when I am prepared and ready for that chapter in my life. Just because I am not physically singing or writing music right now that doesn't mean I can't sing to him in my soul, or make him a new song in prayer.

Oh God you are my song... You are my first love... The great love of my life. You are my husband and I am your bride.

Even though I am lame, I will run to You. And even though my mouth is closed I will sing to You.

Your daughter...

Here is a poem I wrote related to this:

Jesus I’m Your Bride

We’ve been apart for so long

Out of my despair came out a song

No more trying to run away

This was more than I can take

Unfaithful, I’ve broken Your heart

How could I let them tear us apart?

Coming down the aisle to Your side

Jesus I’m Your bride

Only you can count every tear

In the dark when no one can see or hear

When my wounds won’t let me sleep

You’re healing waters run deep

Unfaithful, I’ve broken Your heart

How could I let them tear us apart?

Coming down the aisle to Your side

Jesus I’m Your bride

Today I say my vows

Before a silent crowd

I am my beloved’s

And my beloved is mine.