home

So I'm finally home in Sacramento. The last few years the word 'home' has been less and less defined. I grew up in Sacramento, yet I was born in San Francisco, and my residence is in Santa Cruz because I'm going to school there. So where is my home?

I've heard 'home is where the heart is', but what if my heart is in more than one place? the first two years of college when I was at home, I found myself looking forward to going back to Bethany. Then when I was at Bethany, I found myself impatient to drive back home. then I realized I just wanted to be driving. I was losing what my true home was and I felt at peace on the open road. I lived for the drive... I was "grown up" and finding my home apart from my parents, which is hard at times.

But my car died a year ago. So no more open road :( Ever since I've started serving at message of peace in south San Francisco I'm falling back in love with the city and realizing my roots and how perfectly I fit there. I could really see myself living there. I feel at home lost in the crowd, looking up at huge buildings. The sound of trolly's, the smell of the bay, the feel of fog in the morning. It's a beautiful city. As a little girl I remember being surrounded by old Italian men in their hats and brown suits smoking cigarettes and eating dry salami. To this day, 2nd hand cigarette smoke comforts me and reminds me of my Grandpa.

And I'm graduating from Bethany in just one more semester. My plan is to find someone who needs a roommate and stay in the Santa Cruz/ Scotts Valley area. If God opens the door for me to be in ministry in a different city, I will go there of course, but until He reveals that I need to make preparations. I love the culture, the people, the quirkiness :)

I missed practically the whole holidays with my family last year... so being home this year is very healing. This is the home that will always be here for me. No matter what I do or who I become, I will always have a place here.

But soon I have to go make my own home... and to be honest it's starting to excite and scare me all at once. I'm starting to allow myself to dream more, to imagine the new life in front of me.