halloween

am i growing apathetic? or just growing old..

this is the first year I've had literally no ounce of desire to dress up or go out..

I used to LOVE dressing up and seeing others' costumes and having fun.

I hope this is just an off year.. today just feels like any other day

I love what Dane Cook said on twitter the other day:

"Not trying to be sexy is sexy. For Halloween the girl dressed as a combination pope/geisha girl/swiss guard is sure to catch my eye"

It's true. Every year I see pictures of my girl friends with barely anything on, posing like.. well you know. And I just wonder why? any guy who is attracted to that isn't really a man anyway. In fact, I've heard real men are turned OFF by that stuff. I actually get embarrassed for them.

I mean it's one thing to show skin like if you're swimming or if the situation is right but sometimes I feel like Halloween should be called, "Happy excuse to dress like floozy day"

ok done rantng

Never Be the Same: Red

I'll never be the same.

I'm caught inside the memories

of promises, of yesterdays

when I belonged to you.

I just can't walk away.

cause after loving you

I'll never be the same

haven't been writing much lately

not out of laziness or business but just because some things are too personal. and some things are too hard to put into words... especially when one day you're sure and the next you're confused again. It's hard to articulate when you're so... in process.

But will say God is carrying me through each day,
strengthening me to face my responsibilities.

On another note I wrote the owner of my apartment complex about
letting me get a cat with a deposit.

It's way too lonely without a pet.
I need a little furball to come home to, love, and to make me laugh

who would have known

that our first song would be so fitting now..

Miserable @ Best by Mayday parade

"Katie don't cry I know you're tryin your hardest, and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared. Ocala is calling but you know it's haunting but compared to your eyes nothing shines quite as bright and when we look to the sky it's not mine but I want it so..."

the only decision that matters now is the next one

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue...

thank you..

The piano for my sorrow
A violin for my joy
The drums for my passion
A cello for my grief
The guitar for dreaming
A flute for my hope

Thank you God for music..

Words to Live By

a friend gave a copy of this list to me and I thought I'd share. I put in blue the ones that especially hit home for me right now:

1) Life isn't fair, but it's still good
2) When in doubt, just take the next small step
3) Life is too short to waste time hating anyone
4) A job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will, stay in touch
5) Pay off your credit cards every month
6) You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7) Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8) It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9) Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck
10) When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile
11) Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12) It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13) Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14) If a relationship has to be secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15) Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16) Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17) Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18) Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19) It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20) When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21) Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22) Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23) Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24) The most important sex organ is the brain.
25) No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26) Frame every so-called disaster with these words "in five years, will this matter?"
27) Always choose life
28) Forgive everyone for everything.
29) What other people think of you is none of your business.
30) Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31) However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32) Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33) Believe in miracles.
34) God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do
35) Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36) Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37) Your children get only one childhood.
38) All that truly matters in the end is that you are loved.
39) Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40) If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41) Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42) The best is yet to come.
43) No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44) Yield
45) Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.