1 shirt left in a glove box for 8 months
2 songs that bled out of me..
I had been ready to let go for so long but just kept putting it off..
When finally something very traumatic happened, yet I was suddenly filled with a new courage and strength and just started driving towards Cameron Park.
I had no clue where I was going.. The pathetic zip lock bag that represented "our relationship" was at my side and I was growing more and more frustrated by the minute as I aimlessly drove through the hills of that stupid town looking for a specific park. I had no clue what it was called or where it was. All I knew was it had geese, a lake, and a dirt path that led to picnic tables.. We had such a beautifully sad walk there right before it ended and I knew that's where I had to let go.
It was drizzling and I started to cry trying to see through the windshield. I cried outloud to God "you're going to have to show me where this place is because I'm not coming back! I need this closure today; please help me." And within minutes I saw the lake through the trees to my right and drove straight into the park. I sat in the parking lot in shock at how quickly God led me there. He only knew how much I needed this..
I took my time walking down the path with my little zip lock bag.. The cold was biting through my clothes and my nose was bright red. But I didn't care.. my jaw was set and I had been preparing for this for a long time. I finally chose a spot to leave it and when I walked away I left it all behind.
My past is my past.. It does not define me but it did help me become stronger. No more being haunted by the "what ifs" and video clips that play in my head. I'm ready for a new season, full of joy and harvest instead of a wasteland of sorrow and regret.
"I'm always dragging that horse around.
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound.
I had been ready to let go for so long but just kept putting it off..
When finally something very traumatic happened, yet I was suddenly filled with a new courage and strength and just started driving towards Cameron Park.
I had no clue where I was going.. The pathetic zip lock bag that represented "our relationship" was at my side and I was growing more and more frustrated by the minute as I aimlessly drove through the hills of that stupid town looking for a specific park. I had no clue what it was called or where it was. All I knew was it had geese, a lake, and a dirt path that led to picnic tables.. We had such a beautifully sad walk there right before it ended and I knew that's where I had to let go.
It was drizzling and I started to cry trying to see through the windshield. I cried outloud to God "you're going to have to show me where this place is because I'm not coming back! I need this closure today; please help me." And within minutes I saw the lake through the trees to my right and drove straight into the park. I sat in the parking lot in shock at how quickly God led me there. He only knew how much I needed this..
I took my time walking down the path with my little zip lock bag.. The cold was biting through my clothes and my nose was bright red. But I didn't care.. my jaw was set and I had been preparing for this for a long time. I finally chose a spot to leave it and when I walked away I left it all behind.
My past is my past.. It does not define me but it did help me become stronger. No more being haunted by the "what ifs" and video clips that play in my head. I'm ready for a new season, full of joy and harvest instead of a wasteland of sorrow and regret.
"I'm always dragging that horse around.
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound.
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground...."
"....but it's always darkest before the dawn."
Shake it Out - Florence + the Machine
"....but it's always darkest before the dawn."
Shake it Out - Florence + the Machine
And there it was left, to be picked up by some random stranger, washed away by the rain, or thrown in the trash. Either way it's gone, never to be my burden again.
Congratulations Maria on taking the leap of faith. Sometimes we can only do so much towards healing on our own and there comes a time when we need to simply give it up to God and say, "I've done what I can, now it's up to you to do the rest." And the beauty is when God comes in with His infinite wisdom and strength and returns with, "I've got it covered from here."
ReplyDeleteThank you for that, Bret. You're so right... :)
ReplyDelete