It's been one of those weeks...

So I started off this week fasting facebook. I'm only on day two and I've realized how sick I was for being so dependent on mindless facebook. Don't get me wrong, there are great things about connecting with old friends, etc., but I seriously was addicted. It consumed all my free time... ALL of it lol. So this is a good thing. I have more time for devotions, more time to watch my shows, more time to sleep, more time to play on the piano, just... more time!

So sunday I led worship at a church in san francisco and eveything seemed to be going wrong! We only got to practice for 15 minutes but somehow God pulled it all together when the worship actually began. My voice opened up, the sound levels were good, and people were actually worshiping. God is so good! I'm leading again next Sunday and I'm very excited :)

But right after the service my knees were locking up and I could barely walk. Coincidence? nope... But it doesn't matter, I woke up this morning and they were fine again. Also after the service ended my right kidney was in extreme pain all day without letting up. It got so bad all I could do was lay in my room with a heating pad on my back and cry out to God for hours to make it stop. I told him, "God you've called me to go to school and to do my work. You're going to have to take this away because I can't do my work." And guess what? right at 11, it stopped all of a sudden. I dried my eyes...paused... and couldn't believe it was gone :). I was able to turn over and let my stingy eyes rest.

When we are in the ministry field all sorts of attacks will come against us. The key is to not accept physical problems but to renounce them, realize they are an attack, and rebuke them from your body. This is a war. We need to realize who we are in Christ and the keys he's given us. Anything we bind on earth will be bound in heaven as well. We can pray for things to be done on earth as they are in heaven. And guess what? there's no sickness or disease in heaven!!!

But I won't get into healing right now cause that would take me writing a book, which I just might do one day after I walk out my own testimony :)

All I know is I'm not surprised when the enemy throws attacks at me. It's actually flattering :) that he considers me a threat worth using resources and time on.

God give me the discernment to know what is of You. Give me the strength to make it through this week. Comfort me when I'm down. Lift up my head when I can't.

Love

Hold my hand in the dark

January 23rd from Streams in the Desert

"Why standest thou afar off, O Lord?" Psalm 10:1

God is "a very present help in trouble." But He permits trouble to pursue us, as though He were indifferent to its overwhelming pressure, that we may be brought to the end of ourselves, and led to discover the treasure of darkness, the unmeasurable gains of tribulation. We may be sure that He who permits the suffering is with us in it. It may be that we shall see Him only when the trial is passing; but we must dare to beleive that He never leaves the crucible. Our eyes are holden; and we cannot behold Him whom our soul loveth. It is dark - the bandages blind us so that we cannot see the form of our High Priest; but He is there, deeply touched. Let us not rely on feeling but on faith in His unswerving fidelity; and though we see Him not, let us talk to Him. Directly we begin to speak to Jesus, as being literally present, though His presence is veiled, there comes an answering voice which shows that He is in the shadow, keeping watch upon His own. Your Father is as near when you journey through the dark tunnel as when under the open heaven!

Amen... God I can't see you. My wounds are too deep. There's no light around me. I'm groping for you and can't find you, yet my spirit leaps at Your presence. You're here. Take my hand in the dark. Walk with me through fire. Heal me. Lead me. I'm yours.

hope

I can't believe this is my last semester of school... ever. It's almost unreal. I'm so used to being in school... I've been in school all my life! And now I actually get to start my own... no set markers in front of me. I feel prepared and am excited to see what doors God opens, but at the same time I'm kinda terrified with questions like, "What if I don't get a ministry position right after I graduate?" "How am I going to afford a place?", etc. but I don't have to worry about that. I'd rather live in the here and now so I don't miss out on the joys of the present by worrying about things out of my control.

God please help me through these hard days. Please give me the strength I need. Give me dreams and visions. Be near to me and speak to me. Hear my heart's cry and see my tears. I love you Daddy.

Ria