My Ordination

This was one of the most painful days yet one of the most anointed/powerful/life changing days I've ever experienced. Painful in that I was a month removed from the break up and his family would have been there, but life changing because I felt God's presence so strongly it was tangible. I knew that night I wasn't alone and God will NEVER forsake me, even if others do.

The difference between being licensed and ordained is when you're licensed, you have a confirmed call on your life for ministry, but being ordained means you've been proven faithful. You get to choose a presbyter and another ordained minister to pray over you at the end, and I chose my brother (presbyter) and my dad. That night I felt so much love and support.. It really was a new season and empowering/filling of the Holy Spirit not just in ministry but in my life. I was changed from that moment on.

I know that some people know me from my past when I was "out there". And I did a lot of things I wasn't proud of that stemmed from my lack of self worth and trying to numb my pain. But the Maria I've become is so far removed I can barely recognize that girl from years past. And that's a good thing. Going through years of counseling contributed in a HUGE way. It's the scariest thing ever to face yourself and own up to your actions... God continually brings things up to the surface he wants to heal and that he asks me to lay down for him. And I gladly do it because those things aren't restrictions, they are actually for my good and safeguards.

Being a minister and working in the DRC is definitely like living in a fish bowl. Everyone is watching your every move, and some would like nothing more than to find a way to strip it all away and knock you down. I volunteered for this, to live a life set a part and of a higher standard. It's very difficult at times, but God is so faithful. I fail daily, don't get me wrong. The more I grow closer to God and the more I learn about myself, the more I realize how horribly I fall short. But thank God for his sacrifice, grace, and forgiveness! Now my past can be used for His glory.

Stumbling and failing so much over the years has really shaped my view of others. I used to hold such high expectations for those around me because I hadn't failed in a major way before. But after you experience the power of God's grace, who are you to judge anyone? There is a difference between lovingly speaking the truth and condemning someone. Jesus did not come to condemn. I am just compelled to love others. Period. No agenda. Because I have suffered so much and failed so much, my heart has been broken for others' pain, and I feel it has added greatly to my efficiency in ministry. Not one tear has been wasted.

So back to ordination! I knew that night God saw my heart. He saw my faithfulness. And he lavished his love on me to the point of me breaking down. I was surrounded by friends and family, and my heart was so full that for the first time in a month, there was no room for sorrow.