Friendships

This past Sunday, I went to my friend's baby shower. I can't believe I've known her since I was in preschool! It was a great time, even though I had to face an old friend.. We parted ways about 5 months ago. It was very painful to see her, but I had the closure I needed. We were friendly and didn't cause awkwardness. When I drove away, I felt like I finally let go of who we used to be. Maybe one day, by the reconciling power of God, we will be sisters once again.

The following applies to a group, not just one person: Sometimes when people change, they change in different directions. I'm not the same person I was a year ago, but it doesn't mean I judge those who haven't made the same choices as me. But on the other hand, there is a definite disconnect when two people are on completely separate stages in life, and it becomes harder and harder to see eye to eye.  I used to act in a way that was a horrible witness to Christ. I had poor self worth, therefore my decisions reflected that. I tried justifying my actions,but deep down I knew I was being self destructive. Once I started to realize who I was again and got serious help, which in turn changed my decisions, I was viewed as a hypocrite by those who knew the Maria that was lost. When in reality, they didn't like the fact that I wasn't taking part in certain things to make them feel better about doing it themselves, which made them feel judged. I never judged them because they knew all of my awful mistakes and dark past. I'm the last person that would have a right to judge them. But they felt convicted all the same, and distanced themselves from me until we didn't recognize each other anymore. It's very lonely to remove yourself from the comfortable and to "go against the flow". I never expected to lose so many friends.. But when I take a step back and evaluate those friendships with opened eyes, I realize how much I poured into them with little in return. I was so focused on pleasing and maintaining friendships that had no fruit. At one time they did, but they eventually turned sour. I'm moving on to being much more cautious about who I allow to be close to me. Just like we're supposed to be "equally yoked" in romantic relationships, we are also supposed to be that way in close friendships, unless it's a mentorship type of relationship. Anyway, God is healing those wounds, and I'm becoming who I'm supposed to be.

Here are some pics from the baby shower:

These two guys have stuck by me through thick and thin. I'm grateful for them.