We came back from vacation this past Friday. All week, we had heard from neighbors that Dusty was crying more than usual at night. Towards the end of the trip, he was crying all day and night to the point of losing his voice. At first we thought he just missed us, since there was someone taking care of him while we were gone. But then we realized there must be something else wrong. When we came home, he was panicked, inconsolable, confused, and obviously in extreme pain.
The past few years, Dusty's age has shown more and more. He obviously had weaker joints, but we didn't see any sign of it being very bad. He also started to lose some weight, most of his eye sight and hearing. But he was still active and happy. Every once in a while he would get confused, and it seemed as if he didn't know us. My parents took him to the vet Saturday morning, and it turns out he was very underweight, probably due to a disease or cancer. He also had a severe back problem, which was probably causing extreme pain. And he also probably had early onset of dementia. She said she had never seen a 16 year old dog of that breed before, and he stayed alive because he was so loved. *cue tears* She said it would be the loving thing to do to put him down immediately.
So Marc and I rushed to Sacramento from Stockton just in time for me to spend a few minutes with him. He knew who I was and licked me all over my face and buried his head in my chest. He wasn't shaking like he usually does at the vet, but he knew something was wrong. I didn't want to see him pass away because I wanted to remember him the way he was, but I loved him too much to let him die in the arms of a stranger. I held him while they injected the overdose, and within 10 seconds he went limp peacefully in my arms. I watched the life leave his eyes. It all happened so fast.. I wasn't ready.. I was in shock, and then collapsed over him weeping. I felt like a person died..
We got Dusty when I was 8, so he was my best friend growing up. His temperment was normally very active and hyper, but when I was sad he got very quiet and would sit with me for hours. He brought such joy and comfort to my life. It's all worth it to experience that kind of pure, unconditional love, even knowing you have to let go of them one day. He should have died so many times (he was quite accident prone), but God had mercy on us. He was our miracle...
I know I'll see him again one day. If we can love an animal so deeply, how much more does God love them? All I know is we won't be dissapointed in heaven. They don't have a spirit that needs to be saved, but they do have a soul. Even in Genesis, when describing the creation of animals, it says in the Hebrew "soulish animals" or "with soul". So I rest in that hope that this isn't goodbye, but just "see you later". Have fun there Dusty! No more pain... Momma loves you forever..
Time to let go... Until I see you again
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