how strangely stupid is grief

My laptop is getting work done on it sooo I don't have access to pictures for the 60 survey thing I'm doin. So that'll have to wait.

I'm sick yet again. Woke up with completely swollen tonsils and a fever.

Other than that, I'm doin pretty well.

Realizing a lot of things, as if my eyes have never been truly open before.
Thankful that God stepped in and spared me from something that was totally wrong for me and would have hurt me even more if allowed to continue.

The battle is really won or lost in your perspective and remembering who you are and Whose you are. In spite of a lot of struggles right now I am full of hope.. because I don't have to conquer myself on my own.

For those of you (which I could probably count on one hand) who have read my blog titled "Stubborn Little Girl" well.. that little girl finally stopped fighting Him. Yes, some puzzle pieces of her life are startling, ugly, and make her feel ashamed. But she's finally letting Him piece it all together.. and finally has the strength to throw some away that she's been clinging to. This sifting process is very painful at times, but He is faithful and will bring me through to the other side. I can't have a resurrection without a death first..

A devotional I was reading the other day really resounds with this. After Christ's crucifixion, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary sat against his grave (Matthew 27:61). They mourned his death.

"How strangely stupid is grief. It neither learns nor knows nor wishes to learn or know." When they sat there they couldn't see beyond their grief. They probably thought, "Our Christ is gone".

"Your Christ and my Christ came from their loss. Myriad mourning hearts have had ressurection in the midst of their grief; and yet the sorrowing watchers looked at the seed-form of this result, and saw nothing. What they regarded as the end of life was the very preparation for coronation; for Christ was silent that He might live again in tenfold power.... So with us. Every man sits over against the grave in his garden, in the first instance, and says, 'This woe is irremediable. I see no benefit in it. I will take no comfort in it.' And yet, right in our deepest and worst mishapst, often, our Christ is lying, waiting for resurrection."

"Where our death seems to be, there our Savior is. Where the end of hope is, there is the brightest beginning of fruition. Where the darkness is thickest, there the bright beaming light that never is set is about to emerge. When the whole experiene is consummated, then we find that a garden is not disfigured by a grave."

Our joys are made better if there be sorrow in the midst of them. And our sorrows are made bright by the joys that God has planted aorund about them. The flowers may not be pleasing to us, they may not be such as we are fond of plucking, but they are heart flowers, love, hope, faith, joy, peace - these are flowers which are planted around about every grave that is sunk in the Christian heart."

- L. B. Cowman

aaaannndddd here's a song I like: