The Battle

There is such a freedom in being truly known by someone..and wholly loved.

for not only what's beautiful and special, but for all of you, even the imperfections.

There is delight in recognizing ones true self in the gaze of another.

When the vulnerable and bare are no longer scary, but liberating..
They see your spirit man.. beneath all that hinders it.

Oh but the helplessness that takes your breath away.. when that recognition in their eyes, that look of marvel and knowing fades into dissapointment and coldness..
when you are no longer a kindred spirit, connected at the soul, but you have become a stranger to them.. reduced to commonness and the very thing they have no respect for.
When they see your flesh nature and mistake it for who you really are..

Once the look is gone from their eyes there is no getting it back. Nothing you can do or say can convince them that your unfortunate actions do not represent your heart. Cue shame, guilt, and regret. Lies indistinguishable from His truth. The love we are capable of is flawed at best. Where even unconditional has its conditions.

This battle between flesh and spirit within us is a tragic one at times with many casualties, including oneself. One must die. One must win. Those are the rules of this war. The two cannot coincide for very long. Although it is often forgotten Who was already victorious and that so are we..

Seeing sides of oneself that make you cringe is disheartening..But rather than let such ugliness consume and define you, one must fight and take back what's been stolen from you. Your worth, your dreams, who you are. Never forget who you are, Whose you are.. no matter what anyone says. You're precious, you're worth the fight. You're worth the blood that was spilled for you on that dark hill. And whether or not someone sees who you really are, your validation is in Him alone.

The higher the pedestal the harder the fall.. impossible to climb back up.
well.. I'm better off down here with no mask, with nothing to prove or to justify.
I have a fallen nature and fail the ones I love most.
But I place my hope in the One who has never and will never fail any of us.
He goes by many names, but the one he is to me right now is Jehovah Rapha, the Lord our Healer..