A Love Story Without Words

Finally

So this whole time I've been paying rent on an apartment that I don't live in (previously, I explained how I had to move out for a matter of my own safety). One of my roommates already moved out with her boyfriend so she obviously didn't enjoy paying for 2 rents, and the other one was unconvinced that it was as unsafe as I claimed (there were a lot of other issues there that I won't go into). The manager had agreed to release all 3 of us from our leases since no one was really living there anymore, but that one roommate wasn't willing to give in. So for months, I've been paying 300 dollars of my hard earned money for someone else to pretty much live with their boyfriend without their parents knowing. Well, one of our neighbors in the complex got robbed and shot to death in their apartment, and ever since then, that roommate moved back home. She finally admitted I was right and agreed to let go of the apartment. The manager upheld his previous offer to release us. As of November 1, I won't have to pay rent anymore! I can actually SAVE money and not be surviving month to month anymore. Thank you Jesus for vindicating me.. I definitely learned some good life lessons the hard way *sigh* And another one bites the dust.. I swear my circle of friends is getting smaller and smaller, but I guess that's the only way it gets stronger. I'm much more choosy now as to who I allow into my life. It's a painful process to prune friends, but the harvest is much more sweet in the end.

30 Years

So I'm finally on the tail end of the flu I had and just have a lingering cough. I was able to go back to the 180 Teen Center to volunteer this past Friday. I missed it so much! I love connecting with the kids and ministering along side Marc. Here are some pics from that night:

 My attempt at drawing Marc haha

Also, yesterday was my parents' 30th wedding anniversary. That just absolutely blows my mind.. They definitely are an example to me and a large part of why I believe in true love and marriage. Love is a choice and a commitment, through sickness and in health. I look forward to having 30+ years with Marc as well :)

#OmbreHairDontCare

So it's been almost 3 years since I've done anything radically different to my hair, and I have been SO ready for a change! I love Khloe Kardashian's Ombre Dip Dye and decided to get something similar done. I went to my old high school friend's salon and she did a FANTASTIC job.. it's so professional! Here are some pics:

In other news, I've been sick as a dog for about a week. Finally got some antibiotics, so hopefully I'll feel better soon!! Singing while you're sick is not the business *sigh* 

Facing my Giants

Without revealing too much (because this isn't my journal after all), but wanting to be real with everyone, I've decided to go back to counselling. I had 6 months of counselling that ended over a year ago. In the past 6 months or so, God has gently brought some things to the surface in my life that need to be healed/faced/etc. It took me many months after recognizing the need to actually make the call. These few things seemed somewhat small about a year ago, but in their hiding they grew into giants. They dominate my daily thoughts and have become poison. Confession of our struggles and past is the first step to healing and breakthrough. People who get counselling/therapy should not be looked at as "crazy". Just like we go to the gym or exercise regularly (or we should haha) to keep our bodies healthy, we also need to regularly make sure our minds/emotions are healthy and in alignment with His Word.

My reasoning is two-fold. Yes, there are things in my own life that I need to face and deal with, but being in a relationship changes everything. What affects me directly affects Marc. Having a ring on my finger won't all of a sudden fix my problems.. In fact, it can magnify them and make them louder. So I've decided, not just for me but for us, to take this season to deal with these things so I don't bring them into our marriage. Of course, I know that we will always have things to work on all of our lives, buy why not take care of issues now? Only good can come from it. There's nothing stopping me but myself.. I'll admit, I'm terrified.. It's always so draining and emotional and gut wrenching.. But finally my desire to be free has outweighed my fear.

Sick of Doctors

In the past year I have accumulated more and more specialists.. I decided to count all of my doctors and I have 10 of them:

Primary
Chiropractor
OBGYN
Allergist
Cardiologist
Gastroenterologist
Urologist
Dermotologist
Eye Doctor
Rheumatologist 

Granted some of these are basic, but I've never had so many specialists EVER.. It makes me feel like I'm elderly or something. But I've let things go for way too long, and I'm glad I'm finally getting things taken care of.

In the next month, I have 7 appointments. *sigh* God give me strength! And if any of you are reading this that are believers, please keep me in your prayers. I want to feel like myself again..

"God, have mercy on me"

Those are the words I whispered when I woke up at 4am this past Sunday morning in excruciating pain as two kidney stones started to move. I was devastated because not only did this mean I would miss leading worship that morning, but I would miss leading worship at the Teen Challenge Graduation that night with my worship team.. I felt like I was letting everyone down, even though it was out of my control.

I waited in the dark as the pain worsened and finally woke up my parents. They took me to the ER, and there was at least 5 people in front of me, and all the beds were full. For the time being, the stones had stopped moving, so the pain was bearable. After a couple of hours, we watched in disbelief as 3 people in front of me left (2 from mere impatience) within minutes of each other. So I was taken into my room just as the stones started to move again. I was completely beside myself with pain; it was almost maddening.

Our nurse was Italian and so hilarious. He had all of us laughing and was so sweet. They gave me 3 hits of a drug that's 7 times stronger than morphine.. crazy. No wonder I had a 2 day migraine as it left my system! The CT scan showed two stones on the move and more that were forming in both kidneys. So I was referred to a urologist to see why my body is producing so many. I passed one not 3 years ago, so this is very uncommon. It might be hereditary because of my dad, but I'm curious to see what is causing them and what I can do to prevent them.

So I've been home drugged up 4 days later waiting for these things to pass, missing work (which I can't afford, but God will provide). And to top it off, Marc broke his foot in two places last Friday night so he's laid up in bed in pain also. We both make a pathetic pair this week lol..

Prayers are appreciated for the both of us!